Child Care Leave, I Recommend It
For salarymen in Japan, there are still very few that take leave to raise their children. There is a man who was the first male to take leave to raise his child at his company.
“I would like for many men to take a leave for raising a child. And, it would be best to do a full year. I think their view of life will change,” said Tomoaki Yotsuya. There was no hesitation in his tone.
For Japanese men, the hurdle for taking a leave to raise a child is still high. In a survey taken in 2012, the amount of men taking leave was only 1.89%. (Study by Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare. Women’s rate was 83.6%). Also, out of the men who did take a leave, over 80% of them took less than a month. But, it can’t be said that no men take a leave. In 2002, when his first daughter was born, Mr. Yotsuya Tomoaki was the first man in his office to take leave. He doesn’t just raise his child, but he also puts a lot of effort in to doing housework as well. He is the origin of the term “ikumen” (Men who take paternity leave.)
One Day, A sudden declaration of Paternity Leave
He met his wife, Ryoko, when he was in university in Tokyo. After getting a job in Tokyo and Ryoko advanced to graduate school, they got married. Because Tomoaki would come home late and because Ryoko was a student, almost all of the housework fell on to her. The splitting of house duties became like that naturally, due to the rhythm of their lives.
The turning point was the birth of their child. After just starting a new job in Nagoya without a break, she thought about the compatibility of her job with raising a child. One day, out of the blue, he told his wife “I’m going to take paternity leave!” Ryoko was surprised, but she remembers being very happy. Tomoaki said calmly, “I said it only because thinking about the future of our carriers, this was the best decision.”
When Tomoaki told his parents, they were a little surprised, but they understood him, saying “He’s the type to make different kinds of things.”
Housework deepens the bond of the family
The two of them moved to Nagoya, where her parents were nearby, and Tomoaki started his life as a house husband, raising his child and doing the housework.
He talked about how doing the cooking and cleaning and other housework was not difficult at all, he had no agony. “I thought about how I could make cleaning more efficient, about trying to cook new kinds of dishes, and other tasks, to give myself a goal. If I clear my goal, I can feel a sense of accomplishment,” he said. It’s like playing a game. But, through his experience of being a “house husband”, his sense had changed greatly.
He said “By being in charge of the chores, I feel like the way I interact with the family has changed.” By doing the same work as my wife, I can start to understand her feelings.” Housework has to be done by someone, regardless if someone is busy or tired. By actually having done the housework, the difficulty of it can be shared among the couple and they can have a mutual understanding.
“Also, doing housework, it’s something you do while thinking about the family, isn’t it? For example, when thinking about the menu for dinner, what they want to eat. When folding clothes after washing them, doing it neatly will make the family feel better, etc.” By doing the housework, he has started to think about the family and tries to understand their feelings. Ryoko feels his changes and said “Before, he used to decide things on his own, but now, through housework and raising a child, he started to listen to what I had to say.”
Thinking about being a “House husband” seriously
Raising a child is sometimes even more difficult to handle than the housework, but he had an even bigger surprise and happiness from the growth of his daughter. For example, it’s difficult to take care of a child when you haven’t slept because of a child crying at night. But, because of this difficult experience, the bond between him and his child can grow stronger and he can feel that he really is a parent, and see things from the same point of view as Ryoko, thought Tomoaki.
Also, at first, he thought that he couldn’t do the same thing as the mother, but, he realized his daughter, thinking about the person who was taking care of her, treated him as a “mother.” His leave ended, and he started his solo assignment for work. When his daughter had some trouble with something, she wouldn’t go to her mother who was close by, but instead searched for her father all over the house. “When I heard that, I started to cry. I knew how fun it was to spend time with my small daughter, so I started thinking seriously about quitting my job and becoming a ‘house husband.’ But, when I thought about the future of our lives and other things, I gave up in the end,” he said, moving his big eyes and laughing proudly.
On a solo-assignment now, so only on weekends
He doesn’t want to cause trouble for the people around him
When he took his parental leave, there were some voices of criticism in his office. In that climate, he felt like he wanted to breathe some fresh air in to the old way of thinking. “As long as there is a system for taking a leave, people won’t have any reservations, I think.” He was boosted by the female workers saying a society in which men can take leave easily, then it’s a society that is easy for women to work in.
After Tomoaki’s leave ended, many of his juniors came to him for advice about taking paternity leave, and the number of men taking leave increased. When taking a leave, the number one worry is “Causing trouble to the people around them.” When one is on a leave, they have to leave their work with someone else to do, which increases their work load. It’s very difficult on the office, and when they think of their coworkers faces, it can be difficult to make a decision. After Tomoaki’s experience, the situation at the office was improved gradually, with not only a substitute staff being hired, but the rearrangement of the people of whole organization, to fill the hole of the person taking leave.
On weekends, he’s in charge of all the housework
Now, Tomoaki spends his weekdays in Tokyo working, and on weekends, he spends 2 and a half hours on the bullet train going back to Nagoya where his family lives. He gets home on Friday night and heads back to the office early Monday morning. It’s a hard schedule, but the feeling of “I want to meet my daughter” means he doesn’t feel any stress. The daily chores and child raising are handled by Ryoko during the week, so on weekends, everything is handled by Tomoaki. When their daughter says that “Daddy’s cooking is more delicious!” he is very satisfied.We asked Tomoaki what he thinks is necessary to increase the amount of men taking leave. “I think the difference in pay between men and women should be eliminated. Unless we do that, it will be difficult for men to take leave,” he said with a serious face, then, with a fatherly smile, “I think men should know the fun of raising a child.”
